When the Dragon entered - Hiding self became Priority
I was about 4 or 5 years old and loved books although we only had a handful at home. There was a Bible, a book on Scandinavia, auto mechanics, and one particular picture book with a
ngels. I absolutely needed to pretend to read it while looking at the pictures as often as possible. Somehow the illustrations were reassuring for me as a child, as I was keenly aware of the unseen realm and God - being as real as the pages in the book that had angels.
Darla Hood, from the Little Rascals was who I wanted to be like as a little girl. She was innocent, sweet, girly and sang songs - just like me. Becoming a ballerina was another childhood fantasy that I would practice leg exercises tracing semi-circles with my toes. One day at home while lost in my thoughts of being a ballerina, I was lying on my back with my legs against the screen window, tracing half circles while alternating feet. First left from the top, then right leg from the top to side. I was also wearing a dress but unaware at 4 or 5 that my panties were showing. I was in the living room in front of the big floor to ceiling window, next to the door that had the best lightning for my imagined dance training.
My older brother and the neighborhood boys showed up unexpectedly at the front door. They began laughing while pointing at my exposed underwear through the window. This embarrassed my brother in front of his friends because he was King of the block and the bravest kid in school. Everyone followed him including me. I don’t believe I knew what shame was at that age, but quickly put my legs down and left my imaginary world to retreat to the bedroom. Finding something else to occupy a weekend of not playing outside, was the next thing I did when my Mom called me from the living room. Now my older brother was standing next to her telling stories, accusing me of purposely showing my underwear to his friends. To this day, I don’t blame my brother for what happened shortly after his friends left - because he was also a child himself at 6 or 7 years old - we were all just kids.
