Growing up in L.A., there was a new kid that moved in from far away. The neighborhood tried to make friends asking if he wanted to play. He was arrogant and stand-offish preferring to watch the others. After the baseball game the guys asked what he thought about it? He replied it was dumb and went home. The following weekend they tried football, tree climbing, bike riding. “No” he said it was dumb like the rest of the kids having fun. So everyone left him alone. A few months later my youngest brother had his 5th birthday party, with the same friends over for cake and ice cream, on the front lawn. The new kid, uninvited was outraged - told his mother. In a loud dramatic way, she crossed the street dragging her son behind her yelling, “Give all the balloons to my son! He deserves to be celebrated no matter what! He is crying! See! Does not matter if it’s not his birthday. Give all the balloons to my son blah blah now!”
After a startled pause of silence, a dozen children roared into hysterical laughter at the stupidity of the request! I remembered the embarrassment on his face and my initial thought was, he acts just like his mom. Our parents took care of parental stuff: crazy from across the street, and a birthday party wasn’t ruined by chaos.
Bullies = Tyrant, Tormentor, Oppressor
History has left thousands of writings that identify bullies. Using the information from the past can help identify a predator that may be heading your way. Here are a few nut bags that unfortunately had bully power: Caligula, Nero, Mary Queen of Scots, Liz Bathory.
Application without Actions? Change is a nice thought for later…
There is no fix for a bully, as most are too proud to be wrong, or cowardly to take a dive into the mirror. Few are willing to unravel bad hardwiring from the past, because nothings wrong Right? Fear and insecurity is tempered through an endless thirst for adoration/people pleasing. Whether sincere or not from others it doesn’t matter; the underlying need is control and to be the center of the ‘supposed’ universe. Cognitive distortions muddy the view of a worthy colleague, in the mind of a bully. They see a threat instead of an ally/asset. One must go along to get along, to remain employed in a morbid fear based environment that yields sub-par results.
If you are sharp, great at what you do with creative solutions that come to you easily? You’ll know. The bullies will show up almost immediately to create doubt. Think of it as a complement. They are present to take you off your game, by distracting your focus to interrupt your skills. Jealousy always circles back to PERCEIVED lack, that fuels a warped need to control someone else.
Best way to deal with bullies in the work place?
Homework on the company: Check out historical postings from previous and current employees. Check for similarities with complaints, location, department, timeline, the same management team. Does it continue over 6 months or longer? A high employee turn-over rate is the number 1 sign there is a tyrant or a network of bullies present. If you’re already working with a bully, try sharing this email with HR. Typically they are the gatekeeper that allows a Predator into the work space. Dismissal of federal labor law processes, from employees that file a complaint with human resources; creates exposure and risk of multiple harassment lawsuits to follow.
If one is set on being the best according to personal standards, keep walking. Trust your instincts, they are biologically wired into our genome as a physical alarm: Entering danger, proceed with tact.
Written by: Terry Leifi-Silverstein
Devine Polymath (multiple disciplines) Master in Trade: 55 years and counting…
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