There were only five high schools in Long Beach during the 80’s which all had swimming pools for alternative P.E. electives for water sports. I didn’t attend high school for its academics or social clubs, but for its swimming pool that was constructed before building codes were updated. Long Beach Polytechnic has the deepest, largest pool in comparison to the other high schools with a depth of 12 feet. A nice semi-Jr. Olympic size pool at a school known for the athletes it produced. From football to tennis, and a rapper named Snoop Dog in my youngest brother's class; who was part of the Suicidal Tendencies punk scene.
I have always swam but I really wanted to learn how to dive. The problem was I was terrified beyond normal fear of heights. For three months I would attempt the climb that seemed to have a hundred rungs that went straight up to the highest diving board in the city. I out swam everyone, and constantly worked on perfecting difficult swim movements like the breast stroke. When done right, it uses the entire body to move precisely synced with the breath. Beautiful to watch, difficult to master. This was my world for 40 minutes in the water. But I wanted to learn how to dive. I just couldn’t climb the ladder.
Weeks turned into months, before I got to the top of the ladder, and noticed the diving board suddenly got really narrow. My friends were cheering from the pool and those sitting in the bleachers shouting, “Jump! Jump! Jump!
I was freezing wet standing in a forest green polyester school wetsuit 4 inches from the tip of the diving board. The shouting continued and a line began to form behind me, but I was terrified to jump and turned around and tried to walk back. Then suddenly the diving board became as thin as a 2 x 4 plank of wood that was miles away from the ladder! As I slowly turned back around with the pool far far far away, it seemed I was stuck - couldn’t move. My stomach was in knots, the shouting got louder and the coach blew her whistle and said, “Leifi get off that board now! Hurry up and jump!” The students got even louder, as the coach continued blowing her whistle, when suddenly I started to hear another sound like a bowl of Rice Crispy cereal when you pour in the milk. A high pitched crackling sound that drowned out everyone’s voices, including the whistle. Everything faded quietly into the background until I couldn’t hear at all. Their mouths were moving but without sound. Hands waving from the bleachers pointing downward. My heart was in my throat, ears pumping with blood, gut tied in knots, sweating and freezing dripping water at the same time, with the smell of chlorine molecules lingering in the air. For a quick second I thought, maybe I can sit on the board and crawl back to the ladder, and climb down to safety. But the thought was fleeting, and the only way out was down.
I exhaled, and stepped off the diving board.
The next moment I was cradled by warm familiar water, and I had no idea that if you step off a high diving board feet first, you will have an instant thong wedgie from the impact. I laughed underwater about the bathing suit situation, with the next thought of, “That was it? I was scared of that?” When I came up for air, they cheered and teased the way good friends do when someone realizes the fear was only an illusion. The pool didn’t change. The diving board was 15 or 17 feet not a mile high. The width of the board that suddenly shrunk through tunnel vision assumed its normal size.
I’m not afraid of heights anymore. But when there is something I want, and my own fear stands in the way; I will recall that day on the high diving board to remember the next step is? Walk through the fear that leads to something funny on the other side. Like the Wizard of Oz, hidden behind a curtain a small insecure figure, creating terror and drama. However, pulling back the veil that disguises the fear, whether imagined or real, is the only way to defuse a petrified state of mind. It took weeks as a teenager to continuously try to move past the fear that stood in the way of what I wanted. Bravery comes when we remember all the previous obstacles that we have walked and conquered on our own. With the support of those that journeyed the same path encouraging us you’re only one step away from laughter, that crushes the fear.
Eventually I learned how to dive, but started with the shorter board. Press the fear - it’s usually all in your head and normally ends with a comment and a smile, “See? It wasn’t that bad?” Terry Leifi-Silverstein, descendant of ancient Warrior Kings.
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